Cliche Series: The Fourth Wall Crumbles
by Gwenhwyfar1984
Summary: SG1 discoveres fanfiction...about themselves!


Cliché Series: The Fourth Wall Crumbles

Author: Earllyn

Rating: T

Season: Eight

Pairing: A mention of almost every one.

Disclaimer: I do not own SG-1 or the characters. I also do not own the site Gateworld or the forum there. All fanfiction mentioned here is mentioned with the permission of the authors. And yes, I even mention my own fics. And if there really is an author named Star Girl, there is no relation.

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**Part one: Where Jack** **discovers fanfiction.**

Jack arrived at Daniel's house for team night late. He had gotten involved in a particularly good episode of The Simpsons and had lost track of time.

The door was answered by Teal'c, who looked bored.

"Hey T. Is everyone already here?" He asked.

"Indeed. But they are currently occupied." Teal'c answered.

Jack walked into Daniel's living room and saw Daniel on his computer and Sam on the sofa, her attention completely on the stack of papers she was reading.

Suddenly Daniel let out a yelp. "Hey Sam? Do you know a Cameron Mitchell?"

Sam didn't even look up. "No. Why?"

"They're saying he's going to be the new leader of SG-1 soon."

"_What!_" Both Sam and Jack cried.

Sam looked over and saw Jack and Teal'c. "Oh. When did you get here?"

"A few minutes ago. _Who's_ saying _what?_"

Daniel turned a slight shade of red. "The shippers at Gateworld. I'm a spoiler junkie and read the white boxes…"

Jack walked over to the computer. "Let me see that." He read for a few minutes. "_How _can they know that stuff?"

"We still haven't figured that out. They know everything." Sam said, getting up from the sofa.

"Everything?" Jack asked, stunned.

"Everything." She said firmly. "Now what's this about a Cameron?"

"Well apparently some guy called RCC has said something about him."

Sam sighed. "RCC again." She returned to her papers.

"The janitor?" Jack asked, confused.

"Oh someone posted a new fic in the D/J thread!" Daniel said excitedly.

"What's a fic?" Jack asked.

"I believe it is stories written by the fans about a particular television program, book, movie, or animated show." Teal'c said. "I myself am fond of Xena the Warrior Princess fiction."

Jack suppressed a grin. No surprise there.

"And there is stuff written about us?"

Daniel nodded, reading. "Lots. In just about every genre. Humor, Action, Drama, Angst, Poetry, Romance… You name it someone has written it.

"Romance? Who's having romance?"

Sam cleared her throat but continued reading, a slight blush on her face.

"Well the primary romance pairings are Daniel/Janet, Daniel/Sam and..." Daniel muttered the rest.

"What?" Jack asked, afraid he knew the answer.

"Sam/Jack. That is actually the most popular pairing."

"Really?"

"Yes. Ask Sam. She's reading one now. One of Shiaw Mei Mei's I think" Daniel said.

Sam looked up like a deer caught in the headlights. "What?"

"Hey can I see?" Jack asked.

Sam quickly hid her papers. "Well you're new to fanfiction. Maybe you should start with something less-"

"Graphic? NC-17?" Daniel supplied gleefully.

"I was going to say long." She said through gritted teeth. "And it was _you_ that was reading a Dan/Jan PWP when I got here."

"What's PWP?" Jack asked.

"I believe its most common meaning is Porn Without Plot." Teal'c supplied, completely enjoying everything.

"Daniel!" Jack shook his head but was laughing inside.

"It was a drabble!" Daniel grumbled.

"A one hundred word fanfiction." Teal'c clarified.

"Anyway I suggest you begin with sueKay's work. Or Earllyn's. They don't write over PG-13." Sam suggested.

"Actually Earllyn has. R. She wrote Dance and Itooshi Hito No Tame Ni. Both are Atlantis fics though."

"Don't tell me they know what is going on in Atlantis!" Jack cried.

"They do. Everything." Daniel said ominously.

"It was bound to happen. She was inching ever closer to the line." She turned to Jack. "Well sir, if you really want to read fanfiction I'd start with sueKay's A Fish Called Kinsey, Not Really, well just about anything by her. She's a great author." Sam said.

"Ok. Any other recommendations?"

"Um…Any of Earllyn's Cliché Series, The Scented Candle Mystery, and I'm WHAT!"

Jack looked at Daniel who got out of the chair. "Ok."

So while the rest of the team watched, at Teal'c insistence, all six Star Wars movies, Jack read. About halfway through the first movie they were interrupted.

"Pregnant! She made me _pregnant!_" Jack cried indignantly. "What was this woman on?"

Teal'c frowned and pressed pause.

"He must be reading I'm WHAT!" Daniel whispered.

Sam nodded. "I love that one."

Daniel grinned and Teal'c restarted the movie.

There were no more interruptions and by the time the marathon was over Jack was getting out of the chair and yawning.

"Well what do you think of fanfics?" Daniel asked.

"Well…" Jack started. "I found sueKay's work to be great. That fish one was funny. I thought Mei Mei's stories to-"

"Wait! You read Mei Mei's stuff?" Daniel asked, grinning when he heard Sam mutter something under her breath.

"Yeah. It's excellently written. I really liked her Life's Journey series. And Temptation."

"Oh. The smallpox one." Daniel said. "It was great."

"And I thought Earllyn's Cliché Series was incredibly cliché." He said distastefully.

Daniel and Sam laughed. They knew he hated clichés.

"And her Sleepless story was very funny."

"No it wasn't! I do _not_, nor have I _ever_, slept with a stuffed rabbit!" Sam growled. "_Especially_ offworld!"

Daniel laughed.

"Well I'm going to go." Jack said, heading for the door. He paused. "Hey do you think _I _could write fanfiction? It doesn't seem that hard."

Daniel, Sam and Teal'c looked at each other warily. What had they done?

**Part Two: Where Jack** **discovers Slash and Sam** **discovers a fic author she knows**

Two days later Jack walked into the commissary in a very foul mood.

"There are some sick minded people out there!" He exclaimed.

"What? Nobody liked you fic?" Daniel asked, amused.

Jack waved his hand is a dismissing gesture. "No. That's on hold. Writing fanfiction is harder than it looks! Anyway, I was at the fanfic site you recommended when I came across something." He shuddered. "A fic about you and I. In a…romantic relationship!"

Sam laughed. "You found a slash fic!"

"Slash?"

"Fan fiction in which the two characters are involved in a male/male romantic relationship. There is also Femslash where the characters are female." Teal'c explained.

"How do you know all this?" Jack asked him.

"I lurk."

"Doesn't this bother you guys?" Jack asked his team. "It's about us!"

Daniel shrugged. "Not really. It's just fiction. It's not real."

Sam nodded in agreement. "And it's not really us. They think they are writing about a television show."

"Well there is also a new author. Star Girl. Her stuff is NC-17 but _really_ good!"

"I read her fic!" Daniel said. "She's really talented. And her profile says she is only eighteen!"

"I read her fic too. She is really good." Sam said. She looked at her watch. "I got to go. Cassie is arriving in an hour."

Once at Sam's house Cassie was unpacking when a notebook fell on the ground, open.

Sam picked it up and gasped at what she read. "Cassandra Fraiser what is this!"

Cassie rolled her eyes and took the notebook. "A fanfic."

"But it's...It's..."

Cassie laughed. "Don't look so shocked. You left me a review!"

Sam's eyes widened. "You're Star Girl!"

"Yes. And you said 'Wow! Your fic was excellent! Made me blush _and_ cry! Great job!' Those made me feel really great by the way."

"_What_ would Janet think?"

Cassie laughed and headed into the living room. "She'd probably thank me! At least I have her getting lucky! You too!"

"Somehow it doubt-Hey!" Sam glared then followed her. "By the way, when are you finishing your latest? You have us all waiting impatiently!"

"You have a while yet. I just started an Atlantis one. I've _totally_ become a Sparky shipper!" Cassie sighed.

"Sparky?"

"That's what they're called; the pairing of John Sheppard and Elizabeth Weir. It's better than combining names."

Sam just shook her head. Wait until the guys found out who Star Girl was.

**Part Three: Where Cassie** **is nominated for an award and Jack** **gets a plot bunny**

Sam was sound asleep when suddenly she was awakened by the most annoying sound ever.

"SQUEEEEEEEEE!"

"What the-" Sam cried, sitting strait up. Cassie came running into her room.

"I'vebeeennominatedforanaward!"

"What?"

"I said I've been nominated for an award!" Cassie cried gleefully.

Sam lay back down and covered her head. "That's great Cassie. It's an honor to be nominated. Now get out."

Cassie sighed and ran out, Squeeing.

"Why did I agree to let her stay for the summer?" Sam muttered.

"So you see why it's a big deal. I'm a newbie to fanfics. For a newbie to be nominated…" Cassie explained to Jack and Teal'c.

"That's great Cassie. Really." Jack said absently. He was furiously writing on a tablet.

Cassie watched him for a few minutes then grinned. "You've got a plot bunny!"

"A what?" Sam cried, walking into the room.

"A plot bunny. What one calls an idea for a fanfiction." Teal'c explained.

"You can't ignore a plot bunny. They tend to multiply if you do." Cassie said. She leaned over and tried to read what he was writing. He looked up and glared at her. "Ok ok. I know. I'm the competition."

A week later Jack printed and copied his creation. He sat nervously as everyone read it. When the last person put it down he looked around. Sam and Cassie had tears falling down their cheeks, Daniel was sniffing and Teal'c looked grave. "Well?

"That was beautiful." Cassie said. "Emotional, tragic… I give it two thumbs up!"

Sam nodded. "It was amazing sir."

"That was…no words, no words." Daniel said and grabbed a tissue.

"Indeed." Teal'c agreed with everyone. "What is the title?"

"I'm not sure yet. Should I post it online?"

"Hell yeah!" Cassie exclaimed. "I'll even post it on my account if you want. Giving you credit, of course."

"Sweet! Thanks!" Jack said.

Cassie turned to Daniel and whispered "After nominations are closed. This would _definitely_ beat my fic!"

Daniel grinned and shook his head.

**Part Four: Where Jack** **is extremely happy, Sam** **is extremely annoyed, and Cassie** **has extreme issues.**

A few weeks later, after a post-mission briefing SG-1 watched Jack head into his office…whistling.

"Why is he so happy?" Sam asked.

Daniel grinned. "He finally figured out a title to his fanfic. So I got him an account and posted it online for him. He got his first reviews toady.

"Oh. I'm glad _someone _is happy about their fic."

Daniel looked at her. "I'm guessing Cassie didn't do well in the awards."

"She did very well." Teal'c said. Daniel gave him a puzzled look. How did he know? Teal'c looked at him. "I lurk."

"She placed second." Sam said, shuddering as she remembered the screech of fury that had come from the teenager. She looked around. "I think I'll stay here tonight."

Daniel winced. "That bad huh? But second place is wonderful!"

"This is Cassie we're talking about. You know she has overachievement issues!"

"Right. Well there is nothing she can do about it so…"

Sam smiled grimly. "Yes there is. She has proceeded to lock herself in her room writing like crazy until she comes up with something she is sure will win next year."

"Well you have to admire her determination."

"You don't have to live with her." Sam said, getting up. "She's –" She cut off when her cell phone rang.

"Sam guess what!" Cassie said excitedly, not even giving her a chance to properly answer. "I've been nominated for two more awards!"

Sam sighed and placed her hand on her forehead. "That's great Cassie."

"I know! I'll see you late ok? Squeee!"

Sam shut off her phone and looked at Daniel and Teal'c. "I _really_ hate fanfiction!"

Daniel looked at her innocently. "That's too bad. Earllyn has a new Cliché Series out."

"Really what's the plot?"

"You're turned into a four year old!"

Sam didn't say anything, just turned around and walked out.


End file.
